What it means to be human,

"_It means to be able to choose for ones self. To be able to make decisions and determine which path to walk on with steady feet.
_To be independent, and be able to support ones self. To be self-sufficient and free from others.
_To hold hands and let souls intertwine.
_To chase the things we want. Success, Joy, Love, Happines, Justice, FOOD, Passion, Creativity, Tranquility, Sovereignity, Answer. And to be chased. Run baby run, don't Ever look back.
_To talk. To express yourself. To communicate. To let someone know.
_To see the good in people. Compassion. Forgive.
_To be able to believe. Faith. To hope.
_To compromise, and to find solutions. to balance, because none of us like overdoses.
_Being able to play nice. To everyone what he deserves. Karma.
_To be able to make your own home. Home is where you make it to be.
_To love. to let love. and to be loved.
_To have a close-knit family. To be able to count on them at anytime. To have people to laugh with. to cry with. to talk with. to listen to. to be loud with. to be silent with. to take roadtrips with. to trust your life with. to be yourself with.
_To cry. To be cried on.
_To feel pain.
_To be dumped. To be the breaker uper. To move on. To live.
_To be compassionate. To help those who are in need. To share smiles. To lend a hand. To be supportive.
_To be spontaneous. To do what comes in your mind at any moment. To go with the flow. To live life to the fullest as it can easily be taken from you.
_To be in someones arms. To inhale a smell that makes your heart ache and your guts turn in circles that makes your insides heat up so much that you want to never let go.
_To be alone. and to be able to deal with it.
_To drink, get drunk, and forget. and to be alright with it.
_To be a kid, when you clearly are not one anymore. To skip on the sidewalk and say that it is alright. To pout and to jump and kneel in order to get your way. To make a silly face to get a smile in return.
_To be at ease. To take it slow. To be patient. To be diligent. To let good come to you, instead of trying to force it.
_To be kind. to be sharing. and. to be caring.
_To take care of nature. to travel the globe. to discover the wonders and mysteries in this world. To study new cultures. to be open minded.
_To run. To start over. To face. and to Deal with.
_To yell out loud. and to be silent when you want to.
_To make mistakes. To learn from them. To make more mistakes. and to learn again.
_To drive with the window rolled down in the rain and feeling the wind in your hair and the raindrops on your skin.
_To accept. differences.
_To move on. To go past.
_To make something a memory. To forget.
_To discover new things.
_To dream. to keep them to yourself in your journal. and to make them real.
_To feel. to bleed. to cry. to laugh. to be in rage. to worry. to be safe.
_To wonder....
_To fall and to get right back up with no regrets.
_To be yourself.
_To be real."
I liked this and took it from my bestie Isabelle

Haven

It was the only place that I could go and be truly alone, I was wrong. Through all the times I was there I was never really alone. I loved going there. Just walking through never really knowing where your next step may lead you, that excited me. In a way I like getting lost, for the experience of finding my way home again. My favorite time going there is the winter. The cold crisp air just blowing in my face, the flaky white snow touching the tip of my nose it’s a spectacular feeling. I always pick a spot and just sit there, watching the snow drop from the frail thin brown branches one little piece at a time. Sometimes I would shake the tree so that, a whole bundle of snow will drop on me, I know its ridiculous but its actually fun!
When I go into the woods, its like an escape from the rest of the world. I can just be by myself, think by myself, even let out a scream for no reason at all, without anyone coming and asking me what’s wrong. Others hate the feeling of being alone but me, I mask in it. The quietness of the cool crisp air, the trees surrounding you, the only thing you hear is your own heartbeat. As the wind crept in through my half opened window and grazed my left cheek, I awoke. I turned to my right and opened my snowflake decorated dresser and took out a midnight blue jumpsuit. I went down my spiral stairs leading to the kitchen, I grabbed a slice of bread and went out the red door. Walking my normal route toward the woods I started to count the number of blocks. I have never done this before, I just felt the need to.
Twenty-seven walking straight, thirty to the left, five to another left and fifty-seven to the right, and I arrived in the middle of woods. “Serenity”, I quietly said to myself. As I walked further and deeper into my white wonderland I got a knot in my stomach sensing that something wasn’t right or it could of just been the bread that I had eaten earlier. I looked behind me, I could see nothing so I continued walking, but still I felt unease. I took another step forward into the snow and I heard something, I was scared. Thinking it was just my fears playing a trick on me I continued my journey, but I heard something again, it was someone other than myself walking. I quickened my pace and started to head backwards but in a different direction. I could feel their pace quicken with mine. I began to run, my heart racing faster and faster, I couldn’t hear anything but my own heartbeat. I stopped running, to see if I could hear anything. I didn’t, I didn’t hear anything but the wind. I was breathing so hard to catch my breath. With each exhale I could see powdery white clouds.
I wanted to turn around and look behind me but my nerves wouldn’t let me. After a few seconds, I turned around. I screamed, but he had already put his hand over my quivering small mouth, he was smothering me, I couldn’t breath. I opened my eyes and I could see trees, covered with snow. I tried to talk but words refused to come out, I’m guessing duck tape was over my mouth. I tried to get up but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t feel my fingers, arms or feet. “What the hell is going on” I thought to myself. Then I saw him, he looked familiar but I was so frantic that I couldn’t think straight. The first thing I saw was his boots, they were black with a logo on the right corner, I couldn’t make out what it said. As he got closer to me, I could see his whole attire. He wore light blue torn denim jeans with a gray large coat. His face was red, I’m guess from chasing me. He had deep midnight blue eyes, chestnut curly hair, a small nose, and heart shaped lips. He was actually quite attractive. He touched my cheek, his eyes glazed, and turned creepy. He began to undress me,. “What are you doing, stop it please, please”, I begged through the tape, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t say one single word to me. As I lay there practically naked, cold and shivering on the powder snow white filled ground, he stared at me in astonishment, like he had never seen a body like mine. But I mean come on, I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I’m hot. After a few moments of staring, he started to touch me. His cold hands caressing every inch of my body. I began to cry. I didn’t know what to do, I tried to move but I couldn’t. He proceeded to climb on top of me, naked. The tears started coming more and more, I don’t even want to speak of what he did to me, I was horrified. I was just raped. When he was done dressing, he took out a machete from a black duffel bag that I didn’t see before. My brown eyes were wide open. He began to make little designs on my body with the knife. I could feel some of the designs he was making, some were snowflakes, others stars, and hearts. I have never been in so much pain in my life. Each design hurt more than the last.

My beautiful white haven, slowly turned into a bloody massacre. I was in excoriating pain. I could feel myself slipping into a deep sleep. I guess he could see it too, because he reached in his black duffel bag, and took out a needle and a tiny clear bottle. He drew liquid from the bottle and then stuck the needle into my scarred arm. I didn’t feel so sleepy anymore, I guess he wanted me to be awake. He stabbed me thirteen times in numerous places. Honestly I couldn’t feel a thing. I don’t remember what happened after that, I just remember waking up in a hospital, seeing white orchard flowers everywhere, and some yellow roses mixed in with some white. I was okay, I was fine. I got up from my hospital bed and started to walk around, I didn’t see anyone. No one was there, I was all alone and this time I didn’t want to be. I was scarred, but I soon realized that me being alive would never be possible. I died that day, on the snow white ground, covered in my own blood. Even though something horrible happened to me in that sacred place I still love it. The cold crisp air, the small branches cover in frost, the snow filled ground and the feeling of getting lost, but only to find yourself again.

workkkk

So I just got my new schedule from work and im looking at it right now and figured out that i am going to have no social life. yipppe for me..... depressing. Thats what this is depressing. Gosh. Y do people have to work. I wish we could just pay for stuff in like.. iono pretend cash..or get them for free maybe. but yeah im just really upset about this weeks schedule hopefully next weeks schedule will be nicer.

Dreaming....

Dreaming...... whether its a good dream or a bad dream, its still a dream. Dreams that we either let go or strive to complete a quest for something our heart desires. Why do we let go of those dreams? Do we feel as though they are not in our grasp or just stupid childhood dreams that should not even attempt to complete in our adulthood. But those dreams that we do hold on to, when we complete them it fills so awesome! Because we know how hard we worked to achieve that dream, whether its getting an A in a class or getting into that college you worked so hard for or winning an award anything we dream for is as important as the next person because its your dream. Your very own special dream. So keep dreaming!