The Lover

Missed Class 12/8

The lover is about a 15 year old affair with an older Chinese man in french Indochina during the 1930's. The 15 year old girl is the one that is in control of the relationship. They are in complete opposite of each other. He's old, she's young, hes wealthy she is poor. Though he falls hopelessly in love with her, she does not feel the same. She dictates the terms and conditions of the relationship. Always the one in control. I'm absolutely fascinated by this story. The way this young girl who is suppose to be innocent is have an affair. I mean shes only 15yrs old. just a child. I also found something interesting while reading this she always announces how old she is like declaring it for us and almost herself to justify her actions and in a sense that she is old enough. And always she says "I'm fifteen and a half." Throughout i liked this reading.

Final Essay: Aldous Huxley

"If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite" (pg one,William Blake)

I used the quote above simply because I like it. William Blake wrote that quote on Aldous Huxley, Doors of Perception. Its a rather interesting quote, and i thought I'd use it.
As i was reading about Aldous Huxley's life, i saw and interesting fact. He died on the same day as John F. Kennedy was assassinated. Now i think that's a rather big thing. They actually probably meet in the world beyond this life. Where ever or what ever that is. Maybe they shared a "psychedelic" moment together. Or maybe it was just Aldous Huxley himself. He meaning Huxley, actually invented that word psychedelic. While reading his biography Nicholas Murray calls him the"most intriguing and complex figures of twentieth-century english writing---novelist, poet, biographer, philosopher, social and political thinker. In an era of intense specialization he remained a free-ranging thinker, unconfined by conventional categories, concerned to communicate his insights in ordinary language---a very english intellectual." (prologue, Murray). While reading on I love the quote Huxley uses to describe what he feels about his life. "I have always felt a powerful craving for light." (1 Murray). He says that because he was born in the dark and gloomy weather of rain. He liked to experiment. Open his mind to things that you cant normally see with the naked eye. In other words he did drugs. He wrote the book "the doors of perception" about opening your mind to drugs, and let it take control. You'll see things you've never thought possible.
I also passed by a funny thing he said, that is now considered a quote.
"My father considered a walk among the mountains as the equivalent of churchgoing. " (Huxley)

Works Cited
Blake, William. "Doors Of Perception." 1954
Murray, Nicholas. "Aldous Huxley a Biography." 2003 Macmillan.
Huxley, Murray. "Aldous Huxley Quotes." 2003 Brainy quotes.

Exile/ Malcolm X

Exile...
While reading exile, i saw that Ohio was written out to say O-hi-o. I wondering to myself if that is suppose to be a pun of some kind. Or if it has any relevance at all. But through reading it, it seemed to be a hard time for the music genre rock. Legends were dying to drug related problems it seemed. Its also a look into the life of the rolling stones.That time in life seemed to be the time of confusion. In it Springsteen says that Villa Nellcote was the best time in his life. But the directions he gives you to get there wont do you any good. Once you got inside thought, it was covered in mirrors reflecting your reflection from all different angles. Later on in the prologue it talks about Anita's, Jagger's love interest. She was a very outspoken woman always looking for the inside "dope". She put Jagger on Nixon's enemy list. It also seemed that Keith didn't like the owner of a club and almost hit him but missed, and kept playing his gig. Keith later boards his plane to nice,Italy to go to his favorite place.

Malcolm X...
Malcolm X started out a drug abuser and user, also as a pimp. He was later convicted and sent to jail. In prison is where he found his voice. He met a man named Bimibi in jail, where he spoke with such profoundness that everyone would listen to him. He soon started reading all categories of books. Expanding his vocabulary, and began to become mentally alive. He was later transferred to a less violent prison where he would have debates on various things. He would most always try to work in racism in his speeches. He believed that all white people were evil. His religion and past experiences thought him to hate the white man, and revolt against them.

Art of Love

I love the art of love by Ovid. Its amuses me. I laughed when i first read this. I don't think it was meant to be humorous but it. Especially because this is about him trying to get with a woman who is already taken. Wait let me better clarify that statement. He is pursuing a woman who is already MARRIED!!! Who does that? well i guess he does and many others do that. He talks about how you should get friendly with the guy, to get good with the woman. Because then the man wont suspect anything, because hell think you are his friend. And you would never do such a thing to tarnish your friend ship with him. But i guess he doesn't really know Ovid, because Ovid did just that. So while your off canoodling with his wife the husband suspects nothing. But there are of course other parts which are humorous to me also. The other part which i like is the comparison he makes with the male and female to a hunter and their prey. "The hunter knows where to spread his nets in order to snare the stag; he knows the valley where the wild boar has his lair. The birdcathcher knows where he should spread his lime; and the fisherman, what waters most bound in fish." The comparison he makes accurate and self explanatory. Simple. He's telling you too look in places where you would want your type of woman to be. In a library if you like the studious type, park if you like the active type and e.Tc.. Just the way he spans out the whole process for you is easy to understand. Though i would never use this its good to know, how some guys think.

What it means to be human,

"_It means to be able to choose for ones self. To be able to make decisions and determine which path to walk on with steady feet.
_To be independent, and be able to support ones self. To be self-sufficient and free from others.
_To hold hands and let souls intertwine.
_To chase the things we want. Success, Joy, Love, Happines, Justice, FOOD, Passion, Creativity, Tranquility, Sovereignity, Answer. And to be chased. Run baby run, don't Ever look back.
_To talk. To express yourself. To communicate. To let someone know.
_To see the good in people. Compassion. Forgive.
_To be able to believe. Faith. To hope.
_To compromise, and to find solutions. to balance, because none of us like overdoses.
_Being able to play nice. To everyone what he deserves. Karma.
_To be able to make your own home. Home is where you make it to be.
_To love. to let love. and to be loved.
_To have a close-knit family. To be able to count on them at anytime. To have people to laugh with. to cry with. to talk with. to listen to. to be loud with. to be silent with. to take roadtrips with. to trust your life with. to be yourself with.
_To cry. To be cried on.
_To feel pain.
_To be dumped. To be the breaker uper. To move on. To live.
_To be compassionate. To help those who are in need. To share smiles. To lend a hand. To be supportive.
_To be spontaneous. To do what comes in your mind at any moment. To go with the flow. To live life to the fullest as it can easily be taken from you.
_To be in someones arms. To inhale a smell that makes your heart ache and your guts turn in circles that makes your insides heat up so much that you want to never let go.
_To be alone. and to be able to deal with it.
_To drink, get drunk, and forget. and to be alright with it.
_To be a kid, when you clearly are not one anymore. To skip on the sidewalk and say that it is alright. To pout and to jump and kneel in order to get your way. To make a silly face to get a smile in return.
_To be at ease. To take it slow. To be patient. To be diligent. To let good come to you, instead of trying to force it.
_To be kind. to be sharing. and. to be caring.
_To take care of nature. to travel the globe. to discover the wonders and mysteries in this world. To study new cultures. to be open minded.
_To run. To start over. To face. and to Deal with.
_To yell out loud. and to be silent when you want to.
_To make mistakes. To learn from them. To make more mistakes. and to learn again.
_To drive with the window rolled down in the rain and feeling the wind in your hair and the raindrops on your skin.
_To accept. differences.
_To move on. To go past.
_To make something a memory. To forget.
_To discover new things.
_To dream. to keep them to yourself in your journal. and to make them real.
_To feel. to bleed. to cry. to laugh. to be in rage. to worry. to be safe.
_To wonder....
_To fall and to get right back up with no regrets.
_To be yourself.
_To be real."
I liked this and took it from my bestie Isabelle

Haven

It was the only place that I could go and be truly alone, I was wrong. Through all the times I was there I was never really alone. I loved going there. Just walking through never really knowing where your next step may lead you, that excited me. In a way I like getting lost, for the experience of finding my way home again. My favorite time going there is the winter. The cold crisp air just blowing in my face, the flaky white snow touching the tip of my nose it’s a spectacular feeling. I always pick a spot and just sit there, watching the snow drop from the frail thin brown branches one little piece at a time. Sometimes I would shake the tree so that, a whole bundle of snow will drop on me, I know its ridiculous but its actually fun!
When I go into the woods, its like an escape from the rest of the world. I can just be by myself, think by myself, even let out a scream for no reason at all, without anyone coming and asking me what’s wrong. Others hate the feeling of being alone but me, I mask in it. The quietness of the cool crisp air, the trees surrounding you, the only thing you hear is your own heartbeat. As the wind crept in through my half opened window and grazed my left cheek, I awoke. I turned to my right and opened my snowflake decorated dresser and took out a midnight blue jumpsuit. I went down my spiral stairs leading to the kitchen, I grabbed a slice of bread and went out the red door. Walking my normal route toward the woods I started to count the number of blocks. I have never done this before, I just felt the need to.
Twenty-seven walking straight, thirty to the left, five to another left and fifty-seven to the right, and I arrived in the middle of woods. “Serenity”, I quietly said to myself. As I walked further and deeper into my white wonderland I got a knot in my stomach sensing that something wasn’t right or it could of just been the bread that I had eaten earlier. I looked behind me, I could see nothing so I continued walking, but still I felt unease. I took another step forward into the snow and I heard something, I was scared. Thinking it was just my fears playing a trick on me I continued my journey, but I heard something again, it was someone other than myself walking. I quickened my pace and started to head backwards but in a different direction. I could feel their pace quicken with mine. I began to run, my heart racing faster and faster, I couldn’t hear anything but my own heartbeat. I stopped running, to see if I could hear anything. I didn’t, I didn’t hear anything but the wind. I was breathing so hard to catch my breath. With each exhale I could see powdery white clouds.
I wanted to turn around and look behind me but my nerves wouldn’t let me. After a few seconds, I turned around. I screamed, but he had already put his hand over my quivering small mouth, he was smothering me, I couldn’t breath. I opened my eyes and I could see trees, covered with snow. I tried to talk but words refused to come out, I’m guessing duck tape was over my mouth. I tried to get up but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t feel my fingers, arms or feet. “What the hell is going on” I thought to myself. Then I saw him, he looked familiar but I was so frantic that I couldn’t think straight. The first thing I saw was his boots, they were black with a logo on the right corner, I couldn’t make out what it said. As he got closer to me, I could see his whole attire. He wore light blue torn denim jeans with a gray large coat. His face was red, I’m guess from chasing me. He had deep midnight blue eyes, chestnut curly hair, a small nose, and heart shaped lips. He was actually quite attractive. He touched my cheek, his eyes glazed, and turned creepy. He began to undress me,. “What are you doing, stop it please, please”, I begged through the tape, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t say one single word to me. As I lay there practically naked, cold and shivering on the powder snow white filled ground, he stared at me in astonishment, like he had never seen a body like mine. But I mean come on, I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I’m hot. After a few moments of staring, he started to touch me. His cold hands caressing every inch of my body. I began to cry. I didn’t know what to do, I tried to move but I couldn’t. He proceeded to climb on top of me, naked. The tears started coming more and more, I don’t even want to speak of what he did to me, I was horrified. I was just raped. When he was done dressing, he took out a machete from a black duffel bag that I didn’t see before. My brown eyes were wide open. He began to make little designs on my body with the knife. I could feel some of the designs he was making, some were snowflakes, others stars, and hearts. I have never been in so much pain in my life. Each design hurt more than the last.

My beautiful white haven, slowly turned into a bloody massacre. I was in excoriating pain. I could feel myself slipping into a deep sleep. I guess he could see it too, because he reached in his black duffel bag, and took out a needle and a tiny clear bottle. He drew liquid from the bottle and then stuck the needle into my scarred arm. I didn’t feel so sleepy anymore, I guess he wanted me to be awake. He stabbed me thirteen times in numerous places. Honestly I couldn’t feel a thing. I don’t remember what happened after that, I just remember waking up in a hospital, seeing white orchard flowers everywhere, and some yellow roses mixed in with some white. I was okay, I was fine. I got up from my hospital bed and started to walk around, I didn’t see anyone. No one was there, I was all alone and this time I didn’t want to be. I was scarred, but I soon realized that me being alive would never be possible. I died that day, on the snow white ground, covered in my own blood. Even though something horrible happened to me in that sacred place I still love it. The cold crisp air, the small branches cover in frost, the snow filled ground and the feeling of getting lost, but only to find yourself again.

workkkk

So I just got my new schedule from work and im looking at it right now and figured out that i am going to have no social life. yipppe for me..... depressing. Thats what this is depressing. Gosh. Y do people have to work. I wish we could just pay for stuff in like.. iono pretend cash..or get them for free maybe. but yeah im just really upset about this weeks schedule hopefully next weeks schedule will be nicer.

Dreaming....

Dreaming...... whether its a good dream or a bad dream, its still a dream. Dreams that we either let go or strive to complete a quest for something our heart desires. Why do we let go of those dreams? Do we feel as though they are not in our grasp or just stupid childhood dreams that should not even attempt to complete in our adulthood. But those dreams that we do hold on to, when we complete them it fills so awesome! Because we know how hard we worked to achieve that dream, whether its getting an A in a class or getting into that college you worked so hard for or winning an award anything we dream for is as important as the next person because its your dream. Your very own special dream. So keep dreaming!

The Soundtrack of My Life

The City of Sound

Manhattan is the city of sound. My favorite melodies are those composed by the city I love. This place can easily be compared to a live concert, it doesn't matter where you are; front row, center stage, mezzanine, or the seat in the corner all the way in the last row, you're listening to that band that you listen to religiously and whose song lyrics you know by heart and feeling their tunes on your skin as it blasts out of the powerful bose speakers is more than you ever expected it to be. New York City has its own personal, unique noise that is nowhere to be found. While walking the streets you cannot only hear, but you can feel the magnificent sounds of this city. Above ground you can feel the cool symphonies of the honking lunatic truck drivers, and below ground, the comforting harmonies of the tunnel musicians, or the subways themselves, can warm up your soul, which makes it an unforgettable experience that will never stop to take away your breath. There may not be the harmonic chirping of birds or crickets, but New York presents us with the combined sounds of the subway cars echoes, street singers, cop car sirens, cab horns and diverse voices, which is put together in an electric melody, that reflects the eccentric and modern style of this incomparable city.
There is always something to listen to in this metropolis. No matter where a person is, a diverse and special soundtrack will surround one at all times. From your first ride into the city by subway or your most recent steps into your office, you will be introduced to the cold and hollow screeches of the tunnels and the hopeful screams of the fire engine sirens. Different languages and voices are always around one; a run to the closest supermarket allows you to get a glimpse into numerous people's lives as you casually overhear their conversations through the many isles. Not even the night lowers the sound; it only gets clearer as it gets topped off with the loud base thats escaping from that bar on the next block, with the sweet singing of harmonious drunks as its backup melody. I admire this tune, I couldn't stop longing for it the first time i set foot in this place. With its shuffled and occasionally repeated sequence, open ears in this city allow you to listen to a complimentary iTunes soundtrack of New York. Not once has this city ceased to amaze me, it has absorbed all of me, my mortal life and soul.
This tune is my drug. And i will always yearn for more of it.

Chasing the Storm

I was lost in this city, alone in this heat, but not alone in my heart. I quickly rush past these units of individuals, arm in arm or holding hands. I admire them, them and their dedication, their trust and faith, and their fragility. But then I hurriedly pass them and show them how not everyone needs a hand to hold on to accomplish something.
I talk to my girlfriends (the single ones slowly starting to extinct…as we're beginning to become quite a rare species nowadays), and diligently listen to them, and sometimes even my own words as I speak them out loud. And even those with boy on leash complain about how they miss the spine tingling and getting all the attention in the world. Well, who the hell doesn't?
As I "patiently" sat on the subway today, for two hours, because of some fire on the F(ucking)-train tracks: I thought about it for some time. (While I dozed off every now and so often.) I thought about the ignorance, and the terribly easy willingness of giving up this freedom. I very much appreciate being able to go out whenever I want, with whomever I want, not having to justify anything to anyone. Or even wanting to justify it to anyone. I enjoy being able to meet so many new people and making new friends all over the place, without having to excuse my absence from day to day. I am so thankful and proud for all the things I can do on my own. Besides being able to pay for my own dinner, and for treating my friends every so often, I am proud that I can single handedly step into unknown territory and not be overcome by fear, without needing someone to fall back onto. I can have dinner in a restaurant by myself and not feel like the biggest loser in New York. I can watch enjoy a movie by myself. And most importantly I can spend a whole evening by myself, with a good book, a cup of tea, and good tunes in the background without feeling the necessity to rationalize mine wanting to be alone, or being called a classic freak-show. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.
I belong here more than anyone else in this place. We feel like we don't belong in this place bc we feel like nobody here wants to belong to us. Well aint that a shame? I would hereby like to remind us of our independence, and how we don't need anyone to belong anywhere. All we need is ourselves. The places we belong to, we build them ourselves through friends and family, and all the different experiences we go through, especially those we have attained on our own. It feels so much better knowing we have managed and mastered something on our own two feet, than the belief that we needed somebody to hold our hand, and talk us through it. Why, we sure love to be called baby, but we never really want to be one. At least I sure as hell know that I don't like to be babied. I can do things on my own too, you know. You complete me. I'm nothing without you.
My my, doesn't that scream desperation. Actually. I'm everything without you, everything and much more. Sometimes I find myself thinking that exact phrase, and then I say to myself "What? Are You Stupid?" I simply do not like concept that we need somebody to complete ourselves. I like to think we, on our own two feet, are whole. (unless the love of our life literally donates their limb to us..then you may say "you complete me". There are no other exemptions.) I don't think we need anyone to feel a certain entity or a sense of wholeness to ourselves. The way I think about it, I think we shouldn't be with someone whom we couldn't live without (who wants to feel like they depend on someone?- we're iNdIvIdUaLs!), but the one we could live without, we just choose not to. Fait is in our hands; we choose what happens to us, and whom it happens with. It's A Happy End.
I'd say I'm in a very good mood nowadays. I don't think I've ever been happier than I am now, and it makes me feel quite good. Every day I feel more and more independent and I'm proud of everything I am able to do right now. I most definitely have the greatest bunch of friends, acquaintances and cousins (Family! Never turn ya back on them, they'll always be there.) and I am more than grateful to have them. I am thankful for the experiences I have gone through and whom I've gone through them with. I am blessed to have grown up with the greatest sister and brother one could ask for. I am thankful for my faith. Literature. Music. Art. Nature. New York. Life. Jamba Juice. and most importantly: The Red Hot Chili Peppers.