Chasing the Storm

I was lost in this city, alone in this heat, but not alone in my heart. I quickly rush past these units of individuals, arm in arm or holding hands. I admire them, them and their dedication, their trust and faith, and their fragility. But then I hurriedly pass them and show them how not everyone needs a hand to hold on to accomplish something.
I talk to my girlfriends (the single ones slowly starting to extinct…as we're beginning to become quite a rare species nowadays), and diligently listen to them, and sometimes even my own words as I speak them out loud. And even those with boy on leash complain about how they miss the spine tingling and getting all the attention in the world. Well, who the hell doesn't?
As I "patiently" sat on the subway today, for two hours, because of some fire on the F(ucking)-train tracks: I thought about it for some time. (While I dozed off every now and so often.) I thought about the ignorance, and the terribly easy willingness of giving up this freedom. I very much appreciate being able to go out whenever I want, with whomever I want, not having to justify anything to anyone. Or even wanting to justify it to anyone. I enjoy being able to meet so many new people and making new friends all over the place, without having to excuse my absence from day to day. I am so thankful and proud for all the things I can do on my own. Besides being able to pay for my own dinner, and for treating my friends every so often, I am proud that I can single handedly step into unknown territory and not be overcome by fear, without needing someone to fall back onto. I can have dinner in a restaurant by myself and not feel like the biggest loser in New York. I can watch enjoy a movie by myself. And most importantly I can spend a whole evening by myself, with a good book, a cup of tea, and good tunes in the background without feeling the necessity to rationalize mine wanting to be alone, or being called a classic freak-show. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.
I belong here more than anyone else in this place. We feel like we don't belong in this place bc we feel like nobody here wants to belong to us. Well aint that a shame? I would hereby like to remind us of our independence, and how we don't need anyone to belong anywhere. All we need is ourselves. The places we belong to, we build them ourselves through friends and family, and all the different experiences we go through, especially those we have attained on our own. It feels so much better knowing we have managed and mastered something on our own two feet, than the belief that we needed somebody to hold our hand, and talk us through it. Why, we sure love to be called baby, but we never really want to be one. At least I sure as hell know that I don't like to be babied. I can do things on my own too, you know. You complete me. I'm nothing without you.
My my, doesn't that scream desperation. Actually. I'm everything without you, everything and much more. Sometimes I find myself thinking that exact phrase, and then I say to myself "What? Are You Stupid?" I simply do not like concept that we need somebody to complete ourselves. I like to think we, on our own two feet, are whole. (unless the love of our life literally donates their limb to us..then you may say "you complete me". There are no other exemptions.) I don't think we need anyone to feel a certain entity or a sense of wholeness to ourselves. The way I think about it, I think we shouldn't be with someone whom we couldn't live without (who wants to feel like they depend on someone?- we're iNdIvIdUaLs!), but the one we could live without, we just choose not to. Fait is in our hands; we choose what happens to us, and whom it happens with. It's A Happy End.
I'd say I'm in a very good mood nowadays. I don't think I've ever been happier than I am now, and it makes me feel quite good. Every day I feel more and more independent and I'm proud of everything I am able to do right now. I most definitely have the greatest bunch of friends, acquaintances and cousins (Family! Never turn ya back on them, they'll always be there.) and I am more than grateful to have them. I am thankful for the experiences I have gone through and whom I've gone through them with. I am blessed to have grown up with the greatest sister and brother one could ask for. I am thankful for my faith. Literature. Music. Art. Nature. New York. Life. Jamba Juice. and most importantly: The Red Hot Chili Peppers.